London, Tokyo, and Abu Dhabi: Adventures of an Expat Coach

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to live in London, Abu Dhabi, or Tokyo?

In Episode 2 of Creating Your Happy Place, we've got Linda Mueller, a real globetrotter. She's lived in Tokyo, London, and Abu Dhabi with her husband and daughter. And now, she's a Certified Life Coach and mentor at The Expat Partner Coach, based out of good ol' Chicago, USA.

Linda's all about empowering expat partners to adapt and thrive abroad. She's got tons of international experience, both personally and professionally, and she uses all that knowledge to coach her clients with some good old-fashioned compassionate accountability. Whether you're preparing for an international move, trying to adapt to a new culture, or getting ready to head back home, Linda's got your back with proven strategies and tools.

Linda is a former corporate climber with 10+ years of accompanying partner experience in Asia, the Middle East, and Europe. Now she's all about helping other expat partners find purpose, connection, and a renewed sense of self that's independent of location. And she really knows what she's talking about - she's been there, done that, and got the T-shirt. So if you're an expat partner in need of some support, Linda's your gal. She's currently living in Chicago with her husband and teen third culture kid (TCK).

- - Where to find Linda - -

Facebook:@TheExpatPartnerCoach
Twitter:@TheEPcoach
Instagram:@TheExpatPartnerCoach
LinkedIn:  @TheExpatPartnerCoach
Website: TheExpatPartnerCoach.com

- - About the host - -

Rebecca West is a business coach for ambitious residential interior designers who are determined to become the only designer their clients and contractors call.

She's also obsessed with creating happy homes, so if you need some advice for your home you can check out her book Happy Starts at Home or sign up for a via-Zoom Design Helpline. 

Rebecca can't resist a costume party or a cat video, and has a weakness for Oreos, Taco Bell, and Scotch whiskey. 😁

🙏 If you like this podcast, make sure to review, subscribe, or share! 

Transcript

[00:00:00] Rebecca: 
Welcome to Creating Your Happy Place, a podcast that explores what it takes to create your happy place and then empowers you to do whatever it takes to make sure that your home makes you Seriously Happy.

I'm Rebecca West, host of Creating Your Happy Place and author of the book Happy Starts At Home, and I'm so glad you're here today. 

Now, this season we're talking about what it means to be an expat and set up a home outside of the United States. It might sound like a fun adventure to leave the United States and set up a home in another country, but it comes with its own unique set of challenges.

Here in the United States. We have not just a remarkable amount of choice when it comes to shopping and finding things that suit our personal style, but we're also very used to getting pretty much whatever we want, whenever we want it, and that is not necessarily the case other places in this world. 

In today's episode, we're chatting with Linda Mueller, a gal who has made seven international relocations in just 13 years. And if you do the math on that, that's a new country, less than every two years. She has learned a lot over all of those moves about the challenges of relocating, and now she helps other aspiring expats adapt and thrive as a certified life coach and mentor at The Expat Partner Coach. 

I cannot think of a better person to chat with to explore all the rewards and challenges of creating a home abroad. I'm super excited to welcome her to the show today. Hello Linda, welcome!

[00:01:28] Linda: 
Hello. I'm happy to be here.

[00:01:30] Rebecca: 
Really happy to have you here. I have a feeling you have more knowledge than we're going to be able to share in one episode, but we'll see what we can do.

Okay. So you're currently living in Chicago with your husband and daughter but you have an extensive history of moving abroad. Can you start with just a brief history of your overseas moves? Kind of give us a map of what this has looked like for you? 

[00:01:52] Linda: 
Sure. My husband and I moved to Tokyo in 2004 for three years. Came back to Saint Paul, Minnesota for two [00:02:00] years. Went back to Tokyo for three. Came back to Chicago in 2012, here a year and a half and then we went to Abu Dhabi for a year and a half, unexpectedly left there, went to London for two years, unexpectedly left there and came back to Chicago five years ago.

[00:02:20] Rebecca: 
Where did all the unexpectedly parts come from?

[00:02:23] Linda: 
I have to throw those in there because we moved to Abu Dhabi thinking we'd be there five years, and we left after a year and a half because my husband took a job with a different company. 

[00:02:31] Rebecca: 
Got it. So it wasn't like you were unhappy in Abu Dhabi, you just got a different opportunity. 

[00:02:36] Linda: 
Exactly. And the same thing happened when we left Chicago. We had moved to Chicago from Tokyo thinking we were gonna be here forever and then he had another job opportunity. We had purchased a house in Chicago, all of our new furniture was arriving, and also things that were going take to Abu Dhabi because they sort of overlapped. We decided to keep our home in Chicago while we were living overseas.

[00:02:57] Rebecca: 
And when you kept your home while you were gone, did [00:03:00] you rent it out? Were other people using your stuff in your space or did you just leave it uninhabited?

[00:03:06] Linda: 
We actually left it uninhabited because the whole move to the Middle East came up quickly. It was a leap of faith, everybody thought we were crazy, so we thought we better have a home base and let's just get over there and see how it goes. And then we'll probably sell the Chicago place. But then we ended up making the other move very quickly, and one thing led to another. When we repatriated unexpectedly, it was very nice to have a place to come home to. 

[00:03:29] Rebecca: 
Yeah, no kidding. So those are four very different places. Tokyo, the United States, London and Abu Dhabi. I imagine that for a lot of people in the United States, Abu Dhabi probably seems the most foreign but which one felt most foreign living there compared to being in the United States?

[00:03:49] Linda: 
I would say Japan, because it was the first place that my husband and I went to as a couple. We couldn't read the alphabet. We did not look like the [00:04:00] people. Often we were on the elevator and were the two tallest people on the elevator. It was very common. 

[00:04:05] In terms of setting up a home furniture is smaller in Japan, and my husband is 6'3. I am 5'7, you know, a little bit on the taller side for a woman, and we had trouble finding furniture there, so we were lucky in that we brought most of our furniture from the US with us. 

[00:04:21] Rebecca: 
Which takes me to my next question... I'm assuming you didn't buy in any of these places. They were all rentals. Were they furnished or were they all unfurnished? 

[00:04:31] Linda: 
All were unfurnished. 

[00:04:32] Rebecca: 
Okay. So you brought your furniture over to Tokyo...

[00:04:35] Linda: 
We did because my husband was on a corporate assignment, so the company moved us over there.

[00:04:41] Rebecca: 
Yes. Having grown up military, that was always one of the nice treats, the fact that you could take all your stuff with you.

[00:04:46] Linda: 
Right. Exactly.

[00:04:47] Rebecca: 
So that was Tokyo. And then what about Abu Dhabi? You must have left all your stuff in the house because you left the house behind? 

[00:04:55] Linda: 
At that point had a 3 year old so there was a real strong urge to create some continuity for her so we took a few things us just so that it would feel like home. 

But our house was very different in Abu Dhabi. In Abu Dhabi, in my experience, you either go small apartment or you go huge house. And we went huge house because we were gonna be there five years. We were gonna have all these visitors and so we, it was really fun to start fresh because it was very contemporary and I was so excited to finally have my modern house. 

And in London it was a combination where we took some things with us and we bought some things there.

[00:05:31] Rebecca: 
So comparing sizes of spaces. It sounds like the place in Abu Dhabi was pretty generous and the places in Tokyo and London were small. 

[00:05:41] Linda: 
Tokyo again, we were there with a company, so they gave us what was considered a Western style apartment. So it wasn't big by suburban US standards, but it was probably about 2,500 square feet... And it was all one floor so the common space was very flowy, so it great for entertaining. 

And then London, we lived in West London in Chisik, which is a, um, it's not a suburb, but it's feels like a suburb and we had a single family home. But by US standards, wasn't massive. 

[00:06:11] Rebecca:
And in London, you said you had some of your own stuff and bought some stuff new. So when you didn't bring all your stuff with you, like you did in Tokyo, what did you choose to take with you? What made the list and why? 

[00:06:23] Linda: 
Well when we moved to Abu Dhabi my husband started walking around a house saying like, "well we can take painting and that painting" and, and "painting" in quotes, right, not fine art, but I said, I don't wanna dismantle this house. I want this to feel like a home. So we took extra things, um, you know, we had a leather couch that we had first purchased when we got married and we thought, well, let's just take it. Anything we took to Abu Dhabi, we thought there's a chance we may end up just having leave it there for a variety of reasons. We didn't wanna take anything that was too precious, so mostly things like bulky furniture that we weren't sure if would be easy to get. And then when we were moving from Abu Dhabi to London, we didn't know what our house in London was going to look like, but we knew a fact it was gonna be, if we were lucky, half size of the Abu Dhabi house, so we took very little with us. 

[00:07:07] Rebecca: 
And you did up leaving some some things in Abu Dhabi itself?

[00:07:10] Linda: 
Oh my gosh. We had gone and decorated this massive house and we were about 90% finished when we realized we were leaving, and then we had dismantle it all. And because Abu Dhabi's a very transient city, people are not willing to pay very much for used furniture. So it was like, we bought all this stuff and we weren't buying high end... 

[00:07:30] Rebecca: 
But still, but it adds up really fast!

[00:07:33] Linda: 
Really fast! So we gave a lot away. We sold a few things that we thought we could sell, and we just kind of, my husband has a little phrase with all these unexpected moves: "it's just the cost of doing business." 

[00:07:45] Rebecca: 
Right. Absolutely.

I'm always curious about the little things about setting up a home, like doing laundry. Did you have washers and dryers in all these places? Was that an American experience or very, very different? 

[00:07:58] Linda: 
We had washers and dryers everywhere, but in Abu Dhabi it was a washer dryer unit, which with humidity in the air, nothing ever felt like it was completely dry. So that was a big experiment. We were constantly trying to figure out how to do the laundry. 

[00:08:12] Rebecca: 
Abu Dhabi's actually fairly humid? I didn't realize that. 

[00:08:16] Linda: 
I didn't either until I moved there. We found the one desert in the world that's humid cuz it's on the water. So it's just very humid. Beyond humid. Yeah. 

[00:08:29] Rebecca: 
So it sounds like most of your moves were facilitated by a workplace. So you had some assists with moving, with finding places to live, things like that.

[00:08:40] Linda: 
The first two times it was full service because my husband was on a corporate contract, but the second two times it was a little different. We were given a relocation budget that covered some of it, but it wasn't full service through the company since we had chosen to make the move .

[00:08:54] Rebecca: 
So in those scenarios, did you find your places through a listing, did you get an agent? Did you just wander the streets looking for 'for rent' signs? What'd you do?

[00:09:02] Linda:
We had an agent in both cases. So somebody that specialized in foreigners coming to find housing. 

[00:09:09] Rebecca: 
And , because you now literally coach people to do these kinds of adventures, do you recommend that? Is it worth the cost that comes with it? Is there a cost that comes with it?

[00:09:18] Linda: 
There is a cost. We chalked it up to our relocation budget and just said, this is something we needed do. You know, in Abu Dhabi they took me to get my driver's license and I could have done it on my own, but for me to learn the process, have all the papers translated and all of that sort of thing, it would've not been worth it. So it was nice to have someone. 

And also just the way the housing works in different places, there's different requirements for actually securing a lease. It helped to have somebody that understood all of that upfront because there's different down payment requirements for the lease and different rules. And so it was helpful to have someone to say to us, oh, we better watch out X, Y, and Z in the contract. 

[00:09:56] Rebecca: 
Did you find as you've moved around that everybody has a formal lease? Are some countries less or more formal about it? How did the paperwork side of it feel compared to what you've experienced in the United States?

[00:10:09] Linda: 
You know, you need to have an official address to get the documents that you need for things. Yeah, exactly. So maybe there were some younger people that were working on the side that maybe didn't do things formally, but all the families, the adults that I knew were official.

[00:10:26] Rebecca: 
That's a really good point. If you're having to go through the whole visa process, you need a lot more paperwork anyway.

 And this isn't really related to setting up a home, but what about banking? Did you have to set up a bank account in every single one of these places?

[00:10:37] Linda: 
We did, because, you know, you wanna be able to transfer money back and forth with your home country, you're wondering what are the fees? How easy is it? We never had a problem with it, except in Abu Dhabi. We sold our car when we moved unexpectedly and we had quite a large check because it was about a year old, and we go to the bank and the gentleman says, oh, just put it in the ATM. 

We're thinking this doesn't seem right. And he insisted. He walked us out, he helped us put it in the ATM. Three days later, my husband gets a phone call from the bank "uh, sir, we found this rather large check sitting in our ATM. You need to come in and verify that it's a real check" and blah, blah, blah. No harm ever came to anyone, but there was some funny, funny financial adventures in Abu Dhabi. 

[00:11:19] Rebecca: 
So, thinking about the different homes you've had outside of the United States, which one has been your favorite and why? 

[00:11:25] Linda: 
Oh, wow. Um, well, I always say that the house in Abu Dhabi is the most beautiful house that I will probably ever live in, but at the same time, nothing worked.

So it looked really pretty in the pictures, but we had a leak at one point. They couldn't figure out where the water was coming from. Literally it was like flooding out of the the wall.

And we found out that when they were originally constructing the unit, the company went bankrupt. And so, everybody quit and all the plans got lost and then they eventually they found money and they came back and finished building it.

So they literally could not figure out where the water was coming from. So we had a beautiful home, but nothing worked. I mean, I could tell you endless funny stories of like nothing working. 

So in a way, that's one of my favorite places but I think our apartment, the second time we lived in Japan, is probably my favorite because we were the home that everyone would gather at because we had the big kitchen and the big living room. We'd moved back to Japan three weeks before my daughter was born so having all the little kids over to run around and having the first first birthday party, and like, there's so many really, really fun memories in that place so that's, that's probably my favorite. 

[00:12:28] Rebecca: 
And so much of having a home is what happens inside of that home. 

How has, I mean all these homes you've lived in and all these experiences, how did that inform how you chose to set up your house when you came back to the United States? What was important to you about creating your home when you came back?

[00:12:45] Linda: 
Well, we came back and moved back into the townhouse and I spent a lot of Covid merging and purging everything from having two homes, all the things that were in storage. What was really important to me as I was going through and merging and purging was having this house reflect who we are and what we've experienced. So even on the shelves behind me, these are things from all over Asia and the Middle East. And that was important to me. I walk through my family room and I can say 'this was sayonara gift from this group of friends the first time we left Japan,' or 'I bought this on a vacation there.' And most of the things are not valuable by anyone's standards but to me they are everything. I wanted to have a house that was sort of my own little museum of our family's travels. 

[00:13:28] Rebecca: 
Totally. And it is interesting to navigate "what do we hold onto?" "What are the totems of these memories?" but also, how do we stay nimble and stay light? Because once you become a world traveler, most of us don't wanna stop, and you can't be too burdened by stuff. That's actually a hindrance to being able to be nimble. 

[00:13:47] Linda: 
I agree. When, when I was younger, I used to buy like every little tchotchke, you know, the little Eiffel Tower and the this and that. And then as I got older, either we didn't buy anything or we buy something consumable. Or we would buy a piece of art. And I say art quotes because a lot of times the piece of art that we bought was actually very inexpensive. It cost us more to come back and frame it than it did to buy it. 

[00:14:07] Rebecca: 
I've done the same thing! 

[00:14:08] Linda: 
Right. So I completely agree with what you said. 

[00:14:11] Rebecca: 
So going back into those countries, especially the ones where you didn't bring everything with you, how was navigating shopping? How did you find what you needed, did it feel natural to order something, have it show up to your house? What was the shopping experience like in each of these countries?

[00:14:26] Linda: Ikea.

[00:14:27] Rebecca: Ikea! 

[00:14:28] Linda: 
Ikea, as they say it. No, I'll be honest. After all the moves, I realized one of my strengths not decorating, so I hired decorators in both places. 

[00:14:38] Rebecca: 
Did you?!

[00:14:39] Linda: 
I did, Because we thought we were gonna be in Abu Dhabi and then London for a big chunk time, I wanted to have a house that felt comfortable for visitors and that sort thing. I hired people that I met through the expat community that maybe had a business in another country but now that they were overseas, they couldn't officially work. It saved so much time, and frustration because they had been there longer, they knew where to go. 

The woman in Abu Dhabi, an Australian woman, brilliant. She took me to Ikea and I had this vision of IKEA in head of college, like very inexpensive paperboard kind of things, but she showed me a lot of hacks. So we went and bought the top of the line IKEA stuff and instead of sitting it on the floor, we would mount it on the wall, put glass on top and have what like an amazing piece of furniture.

Actually, when we got to London, before we found someone to help us, I started rebuying some of the pieces that we already had in Abu Dhabi . because I'm like, "I like this piece, why wouldn't I buy it?" 

We also bought a few things in Abu Dhabi at the, you know, the store that all the fancy expats shop at so we had a nice mix. 

And we did the same in London. The one thing you to be careful with in all these countries is that you can buy a Pottery Barn bed for your kid. But if you're buying it in Abu Dhabi, it's gonna be twice as much as it would've been in the US. There's the familiarity of going to the stores that you know as an American, but then you just have to be careful about the pricing. 

[00:16:00] Rebecca: 
You're gonna be paying for that familiarity and comfort. 

[00:16:03] Linda: 
Right. And is that what you really want? You know, we've always looked at it as a chance to experiment. But you to be careful too. There was a dining room table I talked to my husband into buying for our London house, and it wasn't crazy expensive, but it was more than Ikea. But I said, it's gonna look great in our Chicago house. We got back, I was like, not so much. But I was like, "I don't like, I care. Bring it in. We're using it!"

[00:16:23] Rebecca: 
We spent the money. It's getting to be the dining table. Yep, yep. And that is a chapter we all have to go through sometimes cuz we invested just a little too much. 

[00:16:31] Linda: 
Right. 

[00:16:32] Rebecca: 
What about the small things? What about the daily activities, the daily necessities and navigating that in each country.

[00:16:40] Linda: 
Well, the first time we moved to Japan my husband worked for an airline, so we literally could just take whatever we wanted. So all the people that were already over there said, bring your American products because you're not gonna be able to read the labels when you get to Tokyo.

[00:16:53] Rebecca: 
Right. 

[00:16:54] Linda: 
And stuff's super expensive here, the brands that you're used to. So we brought everything. And it was a little bit crazy cuz even when we left three years later, I still had toothpaste. I was what was I thinking? 

So there's a little bit of that, but what ended up happening when we were in Abu Dhabi and London is that I had enough with me when I first got there to kind of bridge the gap. And then I just started to find the local products because they weren't such specialty products that I couldn't just buy something locally. 

And that's usually what I recommend to people because unless there's something that you need for a specific purpose, there's usually really good local products, and it's a great way to meet people. Like, "Hey, what shampoo do you use?" Like, "I don't understand the toothpaste. What toothpaste should I be buying?" Like it, you know, gotta think of these also ways to meet people!

[00:17:40] Rebecca:
Yeah. And I think that's probably a really helpful tip and reminder, like you don't have to do it on your own. And figuring out the answer can be part of the adventure. Although I will say that sometimes the adventure gets a little long, you know, like, can something be easy? Just something. 

[00:17:55] Linda: 
Right, right? The things that I've cried over in different countries are kind of [00:18:00] embarrassing now, but there's, you're you having a bad day and then you can't find toothpaste and it's a little bit... depressing.

[00:18:05] Rebecca: 
It's just one too many things. Yeah. I have had some serious tears over haircuts and buying underwear that are just ridiculous in retrospect. But it wasn't about the haircut, it wasn't about the underwear. It is about feeling like I used to be good at life and now I I don't know any answers and it, and it just can become a lot sometimes. 

[00:18:24] Linda: 
For sure. 

[00:18:25] Rebecca: 
Now that you help other people what are some of the big pieces of advice you almost always offer?

[00:18:31] Linda: 
Well, for people that haven't left yet, my biggest piece of advice is start making contacts before you go. You know, put it on Facebook group for the city that you're moving to, or ask your friends who knows somebody lives in Paris, for example, and just start networking because then you can ask these questions. "I'm coming from the US, is there anything that you can't get there that's a typical US product?" Or... 

[00:18:53] Rebecca: 
Mm-hmm. 

[00:18:53] Linda: 
You know, just any question you have, like "Is it easy to get furniture?" I mean, one thing that a lot of people do is they go on the international community boards in the new country because there's a season to coming and going and the people that are leaving have a lot of stuff they wanna sell and you can sometimes get some really nice pieces at a pretty good price point so, you know, asking these things in advance will save you from taking a bunch things that you don't need. 

And it'll also give you tips on things "Oh! I hadn't thought of that!" You can have people give you tips like "These the things I wish I would've brought with me." 

[00:19:25] Rebecca: 
It's also about when are you going and what season are you in? So maybe you bring the rain gear but you don't pack for the summer season, cuz that's still six months off. 

[00:19:33] Linda: 
You're bringing up a really good point. I think it's getting little bit better, but during Covid shipping times were insane. So what used to be a three month shipment period... I've heard of people getting their container six, nine months later, and you've moved over with a suitcase and then the seasons change, and you have all of a sudden buy clothes because your container hasn't arrived yet. 

[00:19:53] Rebecca: Right. 

[00:19:53] Linda: 
It's also good to ask about shipping to people that are local because if you're moving in the summer, like to Japan, your shipment is gonna be in an un-air conditioned box on a ship in the ocean, and I've had friends that had opened a container and it's full of mold. 

[00:20:08] Rebecca: 
Oh, oh wow. 

[00:20:09] Linda: 
So there's things like that that are really helpful. I'm on a lot of these expat Facebook groups and the one thing that I am always just so heartened by is that people have gone down the path and they wanna make it easier the people that are coming after them. So don't be shy about asking, people really do wanna share their stories and help. 

[00:20:28] Rebecca: 
So I guess becoming an expat now is very different from even a decade ago because of all the social media and online resources, the community is right there at your fingertips. You don't have to feel as solo as you might have 10 and 20 years ago moving out.

[00:20:43] Linda: 
Oh, for sure. I mean, I remember the first time I went to live overseas and making a phone call was super expensive so it just didn't happen... didn't happen that often. So I think social media has really made the world a smaller place.

[00:20:56] Rebecca: 
So it's a reason to be on Facebook instead of all the reasons to not be on Facebook. 

[00:20:59] Linda: 
Right. Well, and you know, honestly, in Abu Dhabi all information was shared by Facebook. Maybe it's changed since we were there in, we left 2017, but I had friends that moved there that were anti-Facebook, but they got there and they realized like all the school information was shared on Facebook, all the social groups, they didn't do it by email, it by Facebook. So that's another thing to get a feel for before you move someplace is how do people get their information, especially if you're in a country where you don't speak or read the language.

[00:21:28] Rebecca: 
You also help people coming back, we call that "repatriating," right? Coming back to the United States, what do you find is the biggest challenge when it comes to coming back? 

[00:21:38] Linda: 
I think the biggest challenge people don't realize hard it's going to be. You know, those of us that have embraced the international lifestyle, all of a of a sudden you come back and you're just one of many, and it's a lot harder than going overseas for many people. I think that's really the biggest challenge. 

[00:21:58] Rebecca: 
And what, what do you think it is that makes it [00:22:00] harder?

[00:22:00] Linda: 
I think for people that are going back to a place that they lived before that they didn't see as exciting as the location where they were living overseas, it can be a challenge. 

Other thing is a lot of people are overseas on a package where they're living an inflated lifestyle because the company's paying for the housing, the school, maybe even a cost of living adjustment, so it becomes quite lucrative, and then you come back and all of a sudden you're one of many and you're not living that lifestyle. 

In general, I think Americans tend to come back and think life is just so normal here, they miss that excitement of immersing themselves in a different culture and figuring it out and enjoying the lifestyle. 

[00:22:40] Rebecca: 
What do you think is a really good piece of advice for somebody who's about to come back and wants that to be as good an experience as possible?

[00:22:47] Linda: 
I think learning about reverse culture shock can be really helpful because then you know what's gonna be happening and you don't just think, oh no, I'm depressed. You know, you can say to yourself, wait, this is normal. I'm gonna be [00:23:00] sad. You could be going back to your home and have a lot of people embracing you. But the reality is their lives went on while you were gone. So your place in that community might not be the same place that it was when you left. I think having awareness of these things can help you navigate your individual circumstances much more easily. 

The one tip I give for people who are repatriating is, start to watch out for the eyes glazing over when you're talking about your life overseas. A lot of people just wanna hear like, "Oh yeah, it's great! It's fun!" And then they don't wanna hear the details. So really cueing into your audience is important.

[00:23:33] Rebecca: 
And they certainly don't wanna watch the 300 picture slideshow. It's not a thing and nobody wants to do it. 

So we've talked about coming back, repatriating, now going back to leaving and going overseas, what is the main piece of advice, aside from "start making contacts before you go" which I think is brilliant, what's the main piece of advice you'd wanna give someone who's trying to create a happy home overseas? 

[00:23:58] Linda: 
Well, in my experience, the person doing the creating is typically accompanying spouse, the the wife. And so my biggest piece of advice is self-care matters and you need to watch out for yourself as much as worrying about getting everyone else settled and your house set up because if you're not happy and you're not cared for, you can buy the fanciest things wherever you're living and it's not gonna feel like a home. So I think that's really one the most important things to keep in mind. 

[00:24:30] Rebecca: 
That's really interesting cuz one of my other guests said she discovered that she was spending a lot more emotional energy than she realized she would making sure that everybody else in her family was okay. Her husband was actually from the country that they moved to so they were all thinking he'd be fine. He had a more challenging time adjusting than anybody expected. She said that that really drained her more than she realized, taking care of the emotional needs of her [00:25:00] kids and her husband and then trying to take care of her own as well.

[00:25:04] Linda: 
It's, it's hard because people go through culture shock and reverse culture shock at different paces, and if you're living in a house where there's four or five people, you might be at different stages at different points. And so trying to support each other and take care of yourself is a lot. 

And then once you get settled, you start to think like, oh gosh, I have to make friends here. And you've lost your identity, whether it was a career or just being fully immersed in a local community, you've lost that. The husband goes off, typically the husband, off to the big fancy job. The kids go off to school and you're at home trying to set up house and create a life for your family. So it can be hard to make new friends.

[00:25:47] Rebecca: 
Especially if there's a language barrier. What's the advice you give to people about navigating having local friends where you obviously can't have the same nuance of relationship when you're new to a language, and [00:26:00] being tightly connected to the expat community which can sometimes cocoon you too much from the place where you're actually living.

How do you navigate that? 

[00:26:09] Linda: 
Well, that's something we could probably talk about for a whole episode, but in short, I would say it's really important to be authentic and spend your time doing the things that you enjoy doing anyway. If you, for example, like to, I don't know, jog, join a local jogging group, and you don't have to speak French to jog with people, but it's a way to be around them, to hear them speaking, to practice your language.

My other big advice is say "yes" to everything in the beginning because showing up shows people that you're interested and that you want to be friends. Every time you go to an event, you're not necessarily walk away with a new best friend, but give things a little time. If you're feeling shy, so are other people so reach out and be the person that says, "Hey, would you like to get a coffee?" The person's probably gonna be thrilled that somebody reached out and said that. So, putting [00:27:00] yourself out there and doing things that you authentically enjoy doing puts you with the right people. 

[00:27:05] Rebecca: 
That's excellent. Is there anything that you'd like to leave our guests with today?

[00:27:10] Linda: 
Um, well, you know, when comes to home, really have a conversation with your family or even with yourself, it's like, "what does home mean to us and what do we need to do to make our new home feel like home?" And it may be that somebody says, "Hey, there's a, a certain ornament that if it's not on the tree, it's not gonna feel like home." So if you can't bring all your ornaments, bring that one ornament or you know, pictures of people back home that you're gonna be missing. Like just what, what is it to your family that needs to go with you to create this place that feels like home? 

[00:27:43] Rebecca: 
And those little creature comforts. One of the things that we packed for our three month trip was our robes. We just wanted to be cozy and comfy at the end of a day, and I can't tell you how many times while we were in our Airbnbs, where we would physically say out loud, "I'm so [00:28:00] glad we have our robes!" You know, those little tiny pieces of comfort that make at least one edge feel a little bit softer. 

[00:28:08] Linda: 
I love that because mine was my tea. And I remember when we were leaving Abu Dhabi and we were going London, my British friend was laughing at me when she saw me packing up my tea. She's like, "you're moving to the UK. They have tea." I was like, "I don't care! These are the teas I've collected. And I'm so tired of getting rid of every single thing in my house every time I move. I wanna get there. I wanna have a tea collection night number one!"

[00:28:33] Rebecca: 
Yeah, it is the smaller things that make home feel like home, like the scent of a certain candle, whatever your body wash is, something that just says "something is familiar, something feels like home, this is something I can build on."

So now you help other people navigate these things, if somebody wants to get your help, where can folks find you?

[00:28:55] Linda: 
Well, my website's a great starting point cause it has links to all my social media. That is theexpatpartnercoach.com. And on Instagram where I'm probably most active, it's @theexpatpartnercoach.

[00:29:08] Rebecca: 
Perfect. And of course, I'll have those things in the show notes as well. Thank you so much for your time today.

[00:29:13] Linda: 
Thank you. It's been great.

[00:29:15] Rebecca: 

And to our listeners, I hope you enjoyed this episode of Creating Your Happy Place. I hope that you feel a little bit more encouraged and excited to make your home your happy place no matter where in the world you happen to be located.

If you're feeling less than happy in your home, remember my book, Happy Starts At Home is here as a resource for you, full of exercises meant to help you figure out how your home could work better for you and what changes might support the values you hold and the lifestyle that you want to live. That's it for this episode of Creating Your Happy Place. Until next time.